To Our Baby Girl

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Dear Baby Girl, my sweet Dorian,

Twenty-five years ago today, you were born into Heaven. My heart died that day right along with you. I prayed for you, to have you, to hold you. I wanted you so desperately. I only had you long enough to know that He heard my prayers and then you were gone. Born asleep, never to know the pain that this life holds, but to also never know my complete love for you, which grieves me to this day.

What would you have been like? Would you have had my eyes, my hair? Would you have liked to watch the birds, too? Would you have been a bashful beauty? Or, would you have been like your daddy, blue eyes, a sense of humor, an outgoing personality, and able to speak in public? These are things I will never know.

What I am sure of is that you would have loved to read, just as your sisters and brothers do. I think that you would have loved My Little Pony, too. Maybe. The others are three against one on that one.

On this day of I miss yous and what would have beens, I wanted to let you know that you are still very much a part of my heart. The two weeks of grief that I was allowed to have and still be considered normal and not a mental case are long past. Saying good-bye to you has become a part of who I am. You are not here. I won’t see you again until Heaven, however long or short a time that may be. Until then, my heart cries for you.

I love you, baby girl. Have a beautiful birthday up there with all of our family. Please hug the folks for me.

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.” –Washington Irving

Image Source: Pixabay

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Book Review: It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand by Megan Devine

It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand by Megan Devine

Wow! It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand by Megan Devine is an amazing book! It is one of the best books that I (Suzanne) have read on the topic of grief. It deals primarily with sudden, unexpected loss, but I believe it applies across the board. Losing a loved one is heart-wrenching, whether you know it is coming or not. But, when it happens unexpectedly, it puts it right in your face just how little control we have and how unpredictable life can be.

Reading this book was like meeting a new friend, one who understands how you feel because she has been there. She hasn’t been exactly where I’ve been, but she has had the rug pulled out from under her, too, and knows there’s no putting things back as they had been before.

Ms. Devine has helped me to not feel so alone in my unresolved grief. She knows it takes more than two weeks to grieve the loss of a loved one. Two weeks, two years, a lifetime, we don’t ever get over it. The loss becomes a part of who we are.

She has also taught me that how I have handled the grief of others, though my intentions were to try to comfort, did nothing but potentially cause more pain to the one suffering. I had no idea that when I shared my sorrow, in an effort to say “I understand,” it set up a grief competition of sorts and feelings of “This is about ME, not you. Why isn’t my grief important?”, and many other hurt feelings in the grieving person. I am working on changing the way that I deal with the grief of friends and acquaintances, in an effort to not cause further pain. I didn’t realize the effect my words were potentially having because I never took it as belittling my grief when others shared theirs.

This book is emotional, well-written, and the education in grief that we all need, most especially those in the mental health field.

If you have lost someone, if you have been expected to process it on their timeline instead of your own, you need this book, if for no other reason than to find someone else who truly understands your pain.

We give It’s OK That You’re Not OK five stars and then some. It is a great book and I am thankful to have had the opportunity to read it!

We were sent a complimentary copy of this book. We are under no obligation to write any review, positive or negative.

We are disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255.

Notice: This post contains affiliate links. If you click a link and make a purchase, we may financially benefit from your transaction, at no additional cost to you. Thank you for your support.

Book Review: Three of Cups by Kathy Wilson Florence

Three of Cups by Kathy Wilson Florence

I was a bit concerned about reading this book due to the use of tarot cards early on in it, but I am glad that I gave it a chance. It is a great book!

Three of Cups is the story of the lives of three women of two different generations. There is love, family, war, deceit, and tragedy. There is laughter and there are tears.

I (Suzanne) couldn’t put this book down. It had my mind going on hyper mode trying to put it all together, making connections between this person, this situation, and that one. It kept me wondering how the author would pull it all together for resolution at the end, and would it have a happy ending or would lives be ripped apart.

Kathy Wilson Florence is a great storyteller who weaves us in and out of the timelines and lives of the three main characters and support people along the way.

There is minimal use of profanity (and none of the major profane words) and there are no graphic intimate scenes. I give Three of Cups 5 stars and think that you will find it hard to put down, too!

We were sent a complimentary copy of this book. We are under no obligation to write any review, positive or negative.

We are disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255.

Notice: This post contains affiliate links. If you click a link and make a purchase, we may financially benefit from your transaction, at no additional cost to you. Thank you for your support.

Three of Cups
By Kathy Wilson Florence
Available 1 July 2018 on Amazon.com
ISBN: 978-0998678122

Book Review: A Better Place: A Memoir of Peace in the Face of Tragedy by Pati Navalta Poblete

A Better Place: A Memoir of Peace in the Face of Tragedy by Pati Navalta Poblete

We would love to say that A Better Place: A Memoir of Peace in the Face of Tragedy by Pati Navalta Poblete is an excellent “How to grieve” book. We can’t because there is no such thing.

What we can say is that the author takes us through the stages she went through while coping with the sudden loss of her son from a not so random armed robbery.

While reading this, I found that there would not have been one good thing to say to this woman in an attempt to comfort her. All of the go-to things that people say, and usually mean, seemed to make her mad.

No two people grieve in the same way. There is no such thing as “Getting over it.” Poblete has found a way to help her heal, at least somewhat. Perhaps by reading this book others will see that there is nothing wrong with them. Perhaps they can see that we all grieve in our own way. Some continue to grieve the loss of a parent thirty years later and may still feel it just as intensely as if it happened just yesterday. Others may lose a child at a very young age and show little grief on the outside just a few days after the loss. This does not mean they are not hurting.

A Better Place shows us that there might not be a right thing to say to some people while they are trying to find a new normal when there is no such thing for them as a new normal.

I think the big takeaway from this book is that it is okay to not be okay. It is okay to not see the comfort offered by others. It is okay that the attempts at comfort offered by other people are not comforting to you. That doesn’t make them any less sincere. It just makes it okay for you to grieve in your own way and to heal, if possible, at your own rate.

We were sent a complimentary copy of A Better Place. We are under no obligation to write any review, positive or negative.

We are disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255.

Notice: This post contains affiliate links. If you click a link and make a purchase, we may financially benefit from your transaction, at no additional cost to you. Thank you for your support.